I’ve heard the term “goals” for as long as I can remember. Even if it wasn’t the actual term “Goals” it could be the phrase, “What do you want to do in life?” or something similar. I’ve always believed to have a fear of goals. But after a lot of self reflection it isn’t the goals I fear. It is in fact, a fear of not meeting my goals.
Honest Corner: I never got over this fear. But rather, I embraced it. I used that fear to drive me to reach my goals.
But how did I get there? It goes back to self reflection. With everything in goal setting, it goes back to you and how will you change and set your goal.
First thing is first, learning about you. Everything, must be catered towards you, yourself, and your lifestyle. Embrace the idea of “It’s ok to be selfish”. This took a long time for me to grasp and take charge of. Being selfish is tricky. But understand that sometimes being selfish can simply mean looking out for yourself and taking charge of you. Once I understood that, I took personality assessments to learn, more of less, objectively, about myself.
- Myers-Briggs : ENFJ (The Protagonist)
- Enneagram: Type 3, Wing: Type 4 and 2 (it’s normally just 1 wing, but I included 2 because of how close I scored)
- Social Style Communication Style: Expressive
The biggest lesson I learned is my Enneagram makes me do it. I taught me many lessons about why I am the way I am. But, this is just a starting point. I applied my findings and the traits of each personality assessment to things I actually do. I found the “whys” and with the “whys” I am able to build my goals more effectively.
To bring this all together, I am an achiever. I have a need to constantly do better, to be explosive and to meet high expectations. Not-so conveniently my ADHD and Anxiety tends to clash with this in a complimentary way? In short, the achiever in me feeds my Anxiety and ADHD. SO when something doesn’t go as planned, I am more prone to having an attack.
I took that and ran like the wind with it. I embraced the fear of not achieving by looking at times I didn’t achieve. What I found is I have never really “failed” because every time I have learned something and grown from it. Eventually I did reach my goals. I used that fear to make sure my goals were always met. I just needed to tweak how I am going to get there.
The biggest lesson I have learned is I don’t like my time to be wasted. I am very protective of my time and of my journey. I run very efficiently and and appreciate effectiveness.
Failure is how I learn. I had a fear of failing for sure. I spun it around and took fear of failing and made it a “I learned how to not do it.” process of elimination. In 9th grade geometry class I learned the best way to prove something is to disprove other things. This is weird. This goes against human nature. Disproving something does what proving something doesn’t do: it gives you better support of why you do something the way you do.
Learning from other people is great! That’s how I started. But things do change. Their mistakes may not apply to you or your goals, even if you had the same goals. Disprovement reveals the why. And that’s what I chose to embrace.