Let me start out by saying, there are somethings I hope for. I hope that we’ll have world peace. I hope that racism ends. But for me personally, I had a revelation that I needed to love myself and stopping “hoping” for things.
This all came about while I was rewatching a documentary entitled “A Wink and a Smile.” A personal favourite of mine. Quick recap, it follows 10 women through Miss Indigo Blue’s Academy of Burlesque, and their personal journeys’ while learning this art. Since watching this documentary for the first time I had started to let my true self out. I started creating how I wanted to be, and crafting ways I could let myself out. I started to dive more into circus arts, I embraced all things vintage, I learned what I valued.
In the documentary one of the women explains how she is now FEARLESS because of the class, and that if she wants something, it’s time for her to step up and do it, because no one else would. Now I have seen this documentary several times before, but it wasn’t until recently I finally heard what this woman was saying. My thoughts were all “I wish I could do that” and “I hope I can do that someday.”
It started a new mindset.
I will do that in life. Anything I want, I will make it happen, because I can. Everything I want exists in some way doesn’t it? There’s no reason I can’t live the best life and a have fabulous life! I deserve the best, and I have the power to make that happen.
At one point I would hope I would find a job, I would hope to find things that could bring me joy. But I found that I just needed to find love for myself. That love within myself to tell me, “I will!” I truly needed to discover how to love everything about my life. The successes and the “tries”.
The hardest part was learning to love the bad parts. Loving my failures taught me to appreciate my triumphs all the more. Like when I didn’t get a Job I wanted, I was able to see all the things I have already accomplished and what I could accomplish. Now that “love” I channel and use does bring me optimism for what could happen and the possibilities.
Now hold on, this is where it all comes in a full circle. That “Love” brings me hope. But Ironically, I had to stop hoping. I needed to let self-love bring in hope.